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Relaionship Bonding
Attachment theory is a way of explaining how people form close relationships with others. It talks about the special connections we have with our parents when we are young and how they can affect our relationships as we grow up. Basically, it says that we are born with a natural need to form strong bonds with our caregivers, and these bonds can shape our relationships throughout our lives.
Attachment is an emotional bond with another person. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. He suggested that attachment also serves to keep the infant close to the mother, thus improving the child’s chances of survival.
According to John Bowlby, attachment is an instinct that children are born with, rather than a learned behavior. Throughout history, children who stayed close to someone who could protect and comfort them were more likely to survive and grow up.
Bowlby believed that this led to the development of a motivation system that helps children regulate attachment. Unlike some psychologists who thought that the need for food was the main reason for attachment, Bowlby and others showed that response and support were more important.
Then Mary Ainsworth did an important study called the “strange situation” which showed that there are three main attachment styles: secure, ambivalent-insecure, and avoidant-insecure. Later, researchers named Main and Solomon added a fourth attachment style called disorganized-insecure attachment based on their research.
Four Attachment Styles
A secure attachment style occurs when babies have caregivers who consistently take care of their needs, which helps them become adults who can have healthy relationships.
An anxious attachment style occurs when babies have caregivers who don’t always take care of their needs. This can lead to clingy or untrusting adults.
An avoidant attachment style is when babies don’t get enough emotional support from their caregivers, which can make adults emotionally distant.
A disorganized attachment style is when babies grow up in a traumatic environment, which can lead to adults who have unpredictable or intense relationships.
Questions
How can a grown-up’s ability to understand and respond to a baby’s feelings affect the way the baby feels about being close to them?
What can someone who gets nervous about being close to others do to feel more comfortable in a relationship?
Why is it important for someone who doesn’t like getting too close to others to pay attention to how they feel so they can understand why they feel that way?
Simplified
When babies have caregivers who take good care of them, they grow up to be adults who can have happy and healthy relationships. But if babies don’t get enough care or love from their caregivers, they can grow up to be adults who have a hard time trusting others or who feel distant from them. Sometimes, if babies grow up in a really scary or stressful environment, they can grow up to be adults who have relationships that are unpredictable or feel too intense.
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